Things You Learn

I rarely stay in a hotel, I work in one why do I want to stay in one? I have managed to lock myself out of my room four times. Yes I am that guest who keeps locking their keys in the room. I also learned today I am that crazy person who gets on the elliptical at 7am to get a work out in. I ate breakfast and found out single serving Nutella exist, completely defeating the purpose of the workout this morning.

I also realize this week, I suck at friendship. I am the first person to be there if you call me however I am not going to reach out to you. I did call my friend who passed often for me because I really do suck at the phone call thing. I have lost numerous friends over the years because someone in their family died and I wasn’t all over them with phone calls. I guess it was how I was raised, the last thing I want to be is a burden to anyone especially during that time. I am that person, if you need to vent to me over a beer on how shitty this is, I will pick up wine or beer and be right over, don’t expect me to bring food. I am not that person who will tell you it is God’s plan because I hate that crap. I will tell you had they been suffering with an illness, they are at peace and there is no more pain. I am that person who takes a weekend off of work, drives four hours, to sit with family at the house and the viewing, so people don’t bother you because you are entertaining that person who drove four hours. I sat, ate and listened, I don’t say much, I am there in a calming manner to comfort if needed. I had many regrets about my friends passing, especially once I realized we have been passing her new home twice a year heading back and forth to Virginia, that was a tough pill to swallow. Her sister comforted me by saying, “She knew how much you loved her.”

I am that person who will come up to after you laid a second parent to rest and tell you what a great job you did on the eulogy. I will also be there to hold you up, when you start whaling uncontrollably because you lost your loved one. I will be there in anyway I can, I will not be that person who pesters you insistently and talks about rapture. I wasn’t raised like that and I know people mean well when they do it but I don’t want to hear about that. I know I want someone who will sit there and let me vent on how shitty the whole thing is and drink whatever I want. I am that friend and if that makes me a bad friend then so be it.

I have decided to start making an effort to be more in touch with people. A text, a note to say hi I am really not sure how much success I will have but I am going to try, especially since I got phone numbers from people who I have lost contact with. It is amazing how death brings people together. The only other time that happens is a wedding and we always make excuses for why we can’t make the trip for happier times. Why does death bring us together? Are we all grieving and we all need that support? I guess there has been a lot of reflection on this with my four hour drive home yesterday after burying a dear friend. She made us all better and I will miss that, I will miss her more than anybody will ever know.

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