Confessions of a Former Big Girl – A Year Later

It has been close to a year since I have written about my weight, weight problems, leaving some people to wonder if I have fallen off the wagon.  I have not fallen off the wagon and despite medicine decreases to the point I am no longer any form of Synthroid, something I was told would never happen to me.  On the advise of my doctor I went Gluten Free and started a regular exercise routine in November to help control my hyperthyroidism (a condition I have never encountered before).  I am trying to control my thyroid without drastic medical measures, like having my remaining thyroid zapped by radiation (that was why I opted for the removal in the first place).  I must say knowing you are a medical oddity really makes you look at everything differently and everyone has an opinion on how you should handle your health (it is amazing how many “doctors” there are out there).  What I can tell you is I am probably the healthiest I have ever been in my life, I exercise regularly and I eat really good, especially since I am gluten free.  Is a gluten free for everyone, NO!  At first it was horrible I never wanted bread so bad in my life, now it is better and the flip side is I feel better.  My advise if you try Gluten Free you need to do it for at least two weeks because your body needs to “detox” the gluten.  I can tell a difference and I can also tell the difference if I eat something with gluten, it is not as bad now as it was during the first month.  I can have a small piece of cake without getting ill a far cry from when I first started this life style.  I have not gotten an allergy test to see if I am allergic to gluten or a test to see if I have Celiac Disease, I really don’t need any more strikes against me for my insurance. What I can say is that it is working, I know this because I feel better and that is really the only thing that matters to me.

In February, one of my good friends introduced me to the local Community Center’s Exercise Program (which also made me face one of my greatest fears exercising in front of people) I now do Pilates twice a week.  I am enjoying it which I didn’t think I would but it gives me a break from Booga, I talk to adults and gets me out of the house for an hour twice a week.

I never in a million years would have thought I would be exercising as much as I do and almost enjoying it (I said almost).  I don’t exercise because I enjoy it I exercise because I like the way I look and feel after I do it (after the shower – lol).  I find myself sleeping better on days I do exercise, I drink more water and I have discovered these things on my arms (I think they are called biceps – lol) which means my previous flabby arms aren’t very flabby anymore.  There are still a boat load of image issues I am dealing with because I was big for so long and that image never really goes away in your mind.  I am still not comfortable wearing clothes that fit me, I prefer baggier clothes but I recently discovered I look better in clothes that fit and are not two sizes to big (my t-shirts).  I find myself caring about my appearance, fixing my hair, wearing make up when we go somewhere, painting my toenails (it is flip-flop and sandal weather) and finding cool Dollar Store Sun Glasses (which did happen).  Having a daughter I am glad about this part, I can show her that it is okay to be pretty even if it is just to walk the dog around the neighborhood.

My weight has stayed around 150 which I am thrilled about and I do find myself being able to open up more about my weight issues.  People meet me and they really do not believe me that I ever weighed as much as I did.  I have stated before I am not proud of where I was and it has been a very long road with many ups and downs along the way but I will say I feel better.  The questions don’t change the how and the why did I do it the way I did.  The answers have changed I worked hard, I cut out the crap (processed foods, artificial crap and now gluten) and the why is because I was tired of seeing a big me.  Was I fat?  Yes.  Was I obese?  Yes.  Would I take better care of my younger self if I had to do it all over again?  Probably not because it had to come from me, I had to want it and quite frankly I didn’t want it.  I didn’t want to give up my soda, my fried foods, my fast food, my pre-packaged food, or my bread.  The changes I have made are not for everyone and I know that.  I also know if you want it bad enough you will give up things you love (me it was bread and pasta).

Do I think I will ever be able to look in the mirror and not see the “old me”?  Eventually, I know I will because I am starting to get over that hump.  I want to show off my arms because they have muscles, I want to wear clothes that fit so I can say, “see what can happen if you eat right and exercise.”  Am I a poster child of weight loss?  No, yes I lost a bunch of weight, I have dropped many sizes and after several years I can say I am finally doing it for me, I feel better when I do it (even when I hate exercising).  I consider myself more of a realist when it comes to weight-loss, I mean if you are pounding back 3 cans of Diet Soda a day and eating Fast Food three times a week and you feel like crap, you need to reexamine what exactly you are doing to yourself.  No one can force you to do it you have to want it and until you want it, you will only find the next fad to fill that void.  It isn’t easy and it never will be but if you fall off get back up and try it again, I have many, many times.

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