Reflection

So it is 2015 and I haven’t written anything yet and quite frankly it has been a sad couple of weeks.  Jeff’s uncle passed shortly before Christmas, he sang Moon River at our wedding it was amazing.  Jeff’s grandma passed a couple days after Christmas and one of my friends passed on New Year’s Day (which I will explain later).  I know it sounds crazy but death at least for me and my experience happens in threes, sadly those are my three.  To add to all of that our good friends moved to Virginia right before Christmas, another very close friend moved to North Carolina and I had surgery.

I quite frankly am in a rut (for good reason) I have gained close to 20 pounds, two family members and one of my friends recently passed away and two others moved. I know the weight will come off and quite frankly I don’t care if it ever does… okay that is a lie.  I do care and I feel that everyone is sugar coating the fact I have gained weight.  They all say oh I can’t tell, maybe you can’t but I can and I feel terrible.  I have let myself down, so I have once again started the 30 day shred.  I hope to be back to my fighting weight real soon.

The other reason I haven’t been myself is because one of my friends passed suddenly New Year’s Day.  The scary thing for me was she was younger than me (her daughter was in my Girl Scout Troop last year) and she just dropped dead.  I admit I have taken this far harder than any death I have ever encountered including my brother’s friend who committed suicide.  I grew up with death it seemed like every couple months growing up I was at a funeral.  Unlike my brother’s friend who committed suicide this was not by choice (for the record I don’t think suicide is a choice it is caused by depression or mental illness), it was just her time.  That scares the crap out of me.  She left behind an amazing husband and two great kids under the age of 8 and my heart breaks. 

I met her when I worked at the Mulberry we worked together almost every night for close to a year.  She was happy, fun loving and one of the craziest people I had ever met.  She was so obsessed with Brett Favre she actually went to his hometown, knocked on his childhood home and met his whole family.  I was told this story the first night I worked with her when my bookmark (a Brett Favre football card) fell out of my book. She was one of the first people to see my engagement ring, find out I was pregnant and was at my wedding.  We lost touch for a couple years and ran into each other at Oatland Island.  We started seeing each other at the YMCA and her daughter was in my troop last year.  I saw her right before Christmas, she came to the Gingerbread Village and she told me that it was worth giving up the troop for because I was bringing joy to so many and creating so many memories for so many people.  I am truly blessed that one of her children’s memories of Christmas with her will be her bringing them to see the Village.  It sounds selfish but it isn’t I promise it is more grateful than selfish.  I know time will eventually heal some wounds or at least give me the ability to fight back tears when I think of her because right now I can’t do it. 

I had a word for 2015 all ready to go and I think in honor of my friend Katie I am going to keep it…  HAPPY!  That is right my goal is to be happy and to make others happy because that is what Katie would want me to do.

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